Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
