Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Randomize
