I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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