Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Boobs speak an international language.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Of course I have a pirate flag
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
