I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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