my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
