The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
