If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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