She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
