don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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