you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
