I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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