where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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