I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
porn star boner night. come get it.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
