He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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