alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
