Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you didnt know i had herpes?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
