I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
