I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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