Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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