just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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