all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
