I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
