I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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