mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
