I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
