5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Randomize
