im drinking this country out of the recession.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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