He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
