the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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