can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
