After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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