I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
