so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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