were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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