I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
