Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
