Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
