I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
