dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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