I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
