the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
