party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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