Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
