Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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