i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
