I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
