There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
