if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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