areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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